Joke Coke Woke Poke xD

Here's smthing lame to lighten up ur day ><

Husband and Wife
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an
hour..'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there
be greater than this one?'
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Stress Reliever Girl:
'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or
troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
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Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO
LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humor!'
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WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early..
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do.
He said: 'GO TO HELL', that's why I came home early.
_________________________________
1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't react...
2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react...
3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said 'what is that you are wearing, it's all crumpled!!'
_________________________________

John : it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?
John : i asked her what she wanted
Peter: what did she said?
J: anything, as long as there is a DIAMOND.
P: what did you gave her?
J: playing cards
____________________________

3 ladies were on a flight.

Suddenly the pilot informed them there was a technical problem
and the plane was going to crash into the sea.
A Chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.
A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions..
The Chinese lady replied that if she looked beautiful,
the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first.

On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewelleries.
An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.
The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because
she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.

Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.
Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.
The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors.
They usually look for the 'Black Box' first!